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Sanctify Your Wife
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25-27
This passage creates all sorts of questions for the world because the world has abandoned the model of a husband, especially the self-sacrificing aspect. While I can’t claim any understanding from experience, the idea of self-sacrifice is at least intellectually understandable to me.
Something I’ve always struggled with, though, is the next part referring to Christ sanctifying, cleansing, washing her (the church) so that she would be splendid, without spot or wrinkle, holy, and without blemish. I understand that Jesus did that for the church, but why would Paul be so descriptive of those things in a passage concerning how a husband is to treat his wife?
A husband can’t cleanse his wife of sins like Christ did the church. A husband doesn’t make his wife holy. A husband doesn’t remove spots and wrinkles from his wife like Christ did, does he? To be frank, wives are better known for settling their husbands down. Making them more ‘splendid’ than they were before marriage. Wives are credited with making their husbands into respectable men.
So, why does Paul take one verse to talk about self sacrifice and two verses to talk about this cleansing?
Consider this question from the perspective of appearance. Christians have committed sins, but Jesus’ atonement covers them. How should a husband cause his wife to appear? No, a husband doesn’t cleanse his wife of sins like Christ did the church, but he can (and does) affect his wife’s appearance.
Husbands, does your wife appear to have no spots, wrinkles, and blemishes to those who know YOU better than they know HER? Do your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances marvel at the splendor of your wife? Do they want to meet her because she can’t be as perfect as you portray her?
Think again about Jesus and His bride. He doesn’t go around reminding and advertising her sins and shortcomings. He accentuates her good: her faith. And, frankly, that’s the only “good” thing about His wife, the church, is her faith. Jesus’ wife has only one good quality, and it’s the only thing He “talks” about, so to speak.
Husbands, what about you? How many good qualities does your wife have? At least one? Talk about that one quality ceaselessly. Your job is to truthfully and genuinely impress upon all who know you that your wife is splendid and spotless without making any excuses for anything unbecoming because you can’t / won’t see those things anyway.
The only thing I’ll add in the way of a caveat is that this doesn’t mean the two of you don’t talk about each others’ faults in private. That’s healthy and necessary. But you are SO silent about them in public that everyone else around you questions their own opinions about your faults and her faults because you’ve never publicly confirmed them or brought them to the fore.
So, husbands, the cleansing you have to do is two-fold. Cleanse your own image of your wife so that you “cover” (not lie about) her shortcomings in your own mind, and then cleanse your public portrayal of your wife so that everyone who knows you believes her to be perfect in every way.
Jesus did that for you.
