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This Is Going To Hurt
Inspired by a recent sermon from my husband, I have been reading the book of Proverbs. Today as I reflected on a proverb, I recalled the early days of my conversion to Christianity. One of the ladies in the church took me under her wing and many a time she would sit me down and begin the conversation with, "this is going to hurt." She was not a doctor, so she was not about to administer physical pain. Rather, she was about to point out something wrong that I did or something good that I failed to do.
Proverbs 27:5 states, open rebuke is better than secret love (NKJV). The use of the word better implies a comparison. In comparing “open rebuke” and “secret love” the writer implies that one is good, but the other is better. If we accept this argument, then this proverb can be understood to say, secret (or hidden) love is good, but open rebuke is better.
In both cases, love is being displayed. Secret love is love that is not verbally expressed. Is this kind of love bad, or evil? I don't think so. But there is a better way to love, as the proverb suggests. The better way is to love openly and be willing to gently correct or rebuke your loved ones. Most parents learn how to do this with their children. But this concept is sometimes difficult to practice in friendships and romantic relationships. This is where I struggle personally. I confess that I am more the "secret love" type than the "open rebuke" type of person. Because in my experience when you point out someone's mistakes or advise corrective actions it is usually not received well!
But I believe this proverb is teaching me that if I am to practice the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13:6 (It [love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth—ESV), I have to learn to have those tough conversations that point out wrong.
I think it is important to realize that open rebuke does not mean surprising your loved one by exposing their wrong to everyone but them. It means loving someone enough to have an honest conversation with that person. This sometimes requires delivering harsh news. Think of how Nathan corrected David and told him about the awful result of this wrongdoing, the impending death of his son (2 Samuel 12). It sometimes requires boldness and firmness. Think of how Jesus gently confronted the woman at the well (John 4:1-26).
Paul advises on how we should act when we are correcting someone. Refer to 1 Timothy 5:1-2--Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity (ESV). The key is to focus on our love and care for the person we rebuke and on the purity of the Word of God which is our authority.
It’s helpful to know that tough conversations sting a little less if both parties, the rebuke giver and the rebuke receiver, have a loving and faithful attitude toward God. I pray that I will grow to be as loving as my sister in Christ who loved me enough to rebuke me.
